Whoever says that chemistry labs are boring should be shot

29/3/07
I broke a beaker that morning. It was annoying, really; I had hoped to commence work swiftly, but had ended up delaying myself. Never mind, I a quick visit to Kim's office got me a replacement beaker to work with.

Merrily, I began brewing my concoction. The object of the day was to transform diphenyl ketone into an alcohol, using sodium borohydride.

Top: Diphenyl ketone, a constituent of synthetic perfume
Bottom: Sodium borohydride, a product of the USA's nuclear bomb endeavours

10 minutes was the prescribed time for heating. My concoction sat on a gauze mat, which sat on a tripod, which straddled the Bunsen burner. Kinda like the setup on the left (image from www.raystorey lighting.com), except that my flask had a condenser attached, and was sitting in a beaker of water.

Being a perfectionist, I noticed (while the mixture was happily bubbling away) that the said beaker was off-centre! And being a perfectionist, I thought it best to shift the beaker to the middle of the tripod platform. Don't want to risk having the whole thing topple over, y'know? Safety first!

Of course, I realized that the beaker of water -- having been heated for 5 minutes -- would be rather hot. It would be rather silly to move it with my hand, as I would get burnt! No, no, that would be a dumb thing to do. So how should I proceed...? Ah, I know. The friction between the beaker base and the gauze mat should be useful!

Why would I need friction, you ask? Well, it's quite simple. My plan was to move my beaker via indirect means. First, think of a dinner table: If you pull the tablecloth towards yourself, friction will bring all the other items on the table (plates, cutlery, et cetera) along as well. So, applying the same concept to my scenario, what would happen when I move the gauze mat?

Answer: Cooked flesh.

The criss-crosses were white at first -- the same shade as minced chicken meat which has been heated in the wok long enough

No matter, such incidents are of no major setback! Undeterred, I proceeded to isolate and purify my alcohol.

The satisfying part of these lab sessions is watching my crystals form. Elegant, white crystals!

The dissatisfying part, however, is losing some of these crystals due to the difficulty of transferring them from the filter into the sample container. After much scraping, tapping, and wiping the filter paper, my sample tube was filled. Some alcohol crystals were left the spatula, and others had gotten onto the bench and my fingers. No matter. Almost done! All I need to do now was to weigh it, calculate the yield, and answer some lab book questions. Nothing to it.

It was around this time when my right eye started itching.

itcheh
http://brokenboulevard.deviantart.com/

Now, you might be thinking that the itch was due to chemicals that got into my eye. I assure you, this wasn't the case. I know this, because I was following safety procedures and had safety goggles on! The goggles did nothing to help my itch though. Instead, they blocking access to my eye... grr... Must! Relieve! ITCH!

I lifted the goggles to get to the accursed itch. *Rub rub rub*... Ahh, that feels better...

Wikipedia: "Diphenylmethanol is an irritant to the eyes"

...IT BURNS!!!

Where's the eyewash? Wherestheeyewash wherestheeyewash wherestheeyewash?!! In the corner of the room! Ahhh!

Sorry! Coming through! *weaves through people*

There it is! Quick, place my eyes over the faucet... TURN TAP!

(Powerful jets of water shoot out)

OWWWW!

...Have you ever wondered what it's like to have your eyeballs punched by miniature fists? No? Well if you ever do, all you need to do is use an eyewash on full blast. (oh yeah, eyewash image from www.uwm.edu, by the way)

Well, at least that's over. Having flushed my eyes as well as I could, I finished my final bits of writeup, handed in my notebook, removed my multi-coloured lab coat and stepped outside the doorway.

Time for lunch.

End note
Sze Howe is fine now. The grieving for the broken beaker has been completed, his fingers have regrown new skin, and his eyes have fully recovered from all chemical and physical injuries.

He has done well in chemistry this year, and is looking forward to completing his pharmacology major despite the prospect of future misadventures in chem labs.